Anne’s Banh Mi Recipe For When You Ain’t Got No Asian Ingredients

So you find yourself in rural Scotland, hankering for Banh Mi, that infamous Saigon street food snack, and nary an Asian ingredient to see you through.

Scrounge up the following:

Handful of coriander
Baguettes (the ready-to bake, frozen ones from the supermarket will do)
Smooth pate, actually the cheap kind works really well as it’s super processed and that’s what we need here.
One cucumber
One carrot
Some fresh chili. If none available, no problem I’ll help you out later on in this recipe. 
Chicken thighs, de-bone is better, but MUST HAVE SKIN
Soy sauce. Come on, even back-of-beyond Scotland supermarket carries soy sauce, sadly advertised with some unoriginal dragon motifs but I’ll look away.
Sriracha or any kind of sweet spicy condiment
Butter, at room temperature. I’ve read that you can microwave a glass, then put it over the butter to soften it quickly. Sounds legit but have not personally tried. Let me know if this is true. 


Get some pitiful bastard to pick those coriander stems and wash them
If baguette is frozen, bake it to 75% done, then split baguette length-way without cutting it through entirely. 
Then use your fingers and pick out the white fluffy inner bit of the baguette until 75% gone. You want to create a sort of boat-shape vessel so you can put all that goodness in there. 
Peel carrots and cucumbers into slices. Put both into a bowl, and if you have some Sprite or lemonade, add two tablespoons of that and toss well. 
Butter both sides of the baguette, then do the same with the pate. I use a lot of butter. Who wouldn’t?


Cut the raw chicken into thin narrow strips with the skin left on. Sprinkle on some garlic salt and pepper.
Heat some dark oil in a pan. I prefer sesame oil, but groundnut, or even olive oil will do. If you’re fancy and have truffle or garlic oil that would be super awesome. 
When oil is smoking add the chicken and cook through, stir often. Brown crunchy bits are the best.


I like to put everything on just one side of the bread, then use the other half as a lid, because I am lazy.
First, put the chicken in. 
Then add the carrots and cucumbers. Don’t be ambitious and lay it all out neatly. Make it all scrunched-up. We need air in this sandwich.
Then layer on the coriander. 
Whip up two tablespoons of mayo with one teaspoon of Sirarcha (or more if you’re spicy like that), and 1.5 teaspoons of soy sauce. Then spread it thickly on the emptier half of the baguette. 
Sprinkle black pepper on both sides. If you have chilis, then slice them thinly and add them here. If not, then dot the mayo with Sirarcha. 
Wrap in foil and bake on low heat, 170*, for 5 minutes so everything starts to be all gooey. 

Ready to eat! Try not to fight to the death while stealing someone’s sandwich because you didn’t make enough.